“Don’t know much about history. Don’t know much biology. Don’t know much about the science book. Don’t know much about the French I took.”
On the eve of my thirty-first year, Sam Cooke is playing on repeat in my mind.
I had a college professor that once said, “I don’t know shit about shit, but the shit I know, I know really well.”
Which got me thinking. What is the “shit” I know for sure?
I made a list of thirty-one truths I know about myself and my life.
1.) I am completely loved.
2.) My dreams are valuable, supported, and worth chasing.
3.) I’m not perfect, but I am understood.
4.) I love with all of me, all the time.
5.) I work hard and always have.
6.) Family is created not inherited.
7.) My husband can, and will always, make me laugh. Because he knows laughter is my soul food.
8.) I crave sunlight like I’m part plant.
9.) I am exactly like my mom.
10.) I got my creativity from my dad.
11.) I’m a good teacher, even when it is hard.
12.) I worry far too much.
13.) I get deep emotional connections to fictional characters.
14.) My first crush was Charlie Sheen.
15.) There is no genre of music that I wholly dislike.
16.) I find my truth in poetry.
17.) Some of my values conflict.
18.) I cry at tv and movies. All the time. Even happy ones.
19.) I have five close friends that I treasure like family heirlooms.
20.) I am more sentimental than practical.
21.) I have multiple reincarnations of myself planned (as if I have some sort of control?).
22.) I will live to 112.
23.) My love of words is directly connected to my being named after a song.
24.) Sometimes, I like animals more than people.
25.) Silences don’t always need to be broken.
26.) Shoes and dancing fix everything.
27.) I cannot whistle.
28.) I like the Twilight films (and there’s no need to judge me).
29.) The theme from Buffy is my power jam.
30.) My biggest fear is one day going blind.
31.) It’s okay to be a work in progress.
I don’t pretend to know everything. I know as much to admit that I don’t.
One of the truths that I left off of my list is this:
I know myself now better than I ever have, and I have never struggled with self-awareness.
That’s not to say that some days I don’t think “what the actual crap am I doing?” Or “who the actual crap am I right now?”
I don’t remember when the lever shifted into “aware” mode. When do we really know that we are on the road to becoming who we want to be? I feel like I’ve always been on this road.
The thing about truth? It’s okay if it changes.
People used to believe the earth was flat!
But some truths are universal. And my truths are foundational.
On the eve of my thirty-first year, I am surrounded by truth. By comfort. By the promise of another year to develop my story.
Next year, I will have more truth.
That’s the way it works.
“I don’t know shit about shit, but the shit I know, I know really well.”
I know myself very well.
And on that note…
Sam Cooke ladies and gentlemen.